"All that has been said so far would be insufficient to express the Gospel of marriage and the family, were we not also to speak of love. For we cannot encourage a path of fidelity and mutual self-giving without encouraging the growth, strengthening and deepening of conjugal and family love. Indeed, the grace of the sacrament of marriage is intended before all else “to perfect the couple’s love”. Here too we can say that, “even if I have faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing” (1 Cor 13:2-3). The word “love”, however, is commonly used and often misused" (p.71.).
"In a lyrical passage of Saint Paul, we see some of the features of true love:
'Love is patient,"Love is experienced and nurtured in the daily life of couples and their children. It is helpful to think more deeply about the meaning of this Pauline text and its relevance for the concrete situation of every family" (pp. 71, 72) [Pope Francis' reflections on 1 Corinthians 13 are thought provoking and beautiful.].
love is kind;
love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way,
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong,
but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things' (1 Cor 13:4-7).
"It is important for Christians to show their love by the way they treat family members who are less knowledgeable about the faith, weak or less sure in their convictions. At times the opposite occurs: the supposedly mature believers within the family become unbearably arrogant" (pp. 76, 77).
"The Bible makes it clear that generously serving others is far more noble than loving ourselves. Loving ourselves is only important as a psychological prerequisite for being able to love others: 'If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be generous? No one is meaner than the man who is grudging to himself' (Sir 14:5-6)" (p. 79)
"Being willing to speak ill of another person is a way of asserting ourselves, venting resentment and envy without concern for the harm we may do. We often forget that slander can be quite sinful; it is a grave offense against God when it seriously harms another person’s good name and causes damage that is hard to repair....love cherishes the good name of others, even one’s enemies. In seeking to uphold God’s law we must never forget this specific requirement of love" (p. 85).
"The other person is much more than the sum of the little things that annoy me" (p. 86).
"After the love that unites us to God, conjugal love is the 'greatest form of friendship'.122 It is a union possessing all the traits of a good friendship: concern for the good of the other, reciprocity, intimacy, warmth, stability and the
resemblance born of a shared life. Marriage joins to all this an indissoluble exclusivity expressed in the stable commitment to share and shape together the whole of life. Let us be honest and acknowledge the signs that this is the case.
Lovers do not see their relationship as merely temporary. Those who marry do not expect their excitement to fade. Those who witness the celebration of a loving union, however fragile, trust that it will pass the test of time. Children not only want their parents to love one another, but also to be faithful and remain together. These and similar signs show that it is in the very nature of conjugal love to be definitive. The lasting union expressed by the marriage vows is more than a formality or a traditional formula; it is rooted in the natural inclinations of the human person. For believers, it is also a covenant before God that calls for fidelity: 'The Lord was witness to the covenant between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant… Let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. For I hate divorce, says the Lord' (Mal 2:14-16)....
"'promising love for ever is possible when we perceive a plan bigger than our own ideas and undertakings, a plan which sustains us and enables us to surrender our future entirely to the one we love'.123 If this love is to overcome all trials and remain faithful in the face of everything, it needs the gift of grace to strengthen and elevate it...
"as all-encompassing, this union is also exclusive, faithful and open to new life. It shares everything in constant mutual respect" (pp. 92 - 94).
"The aesthetic experience of love is expressed in that 'gaze' which contemplates other persons as ends in themselves, even if they are infirm, elderly or physically unattractive" (p. 96).
"The most intense joys in life arise when we are able to elicit joy in others, as a foretaste of heaven. We can think of the lovely scene in the film Babette’s Feast [link added by blogger], when the generous cook receives a grateful hug and praise: 'Ah, how you will delight the angels!' It is a joy and a great consolation to bring delight to others, to see them enjoying themselves. This joy, the fruit of fraternal love, is not that of the vain and self-centred, but of lovers who delight in the good of those whom they love, who give freely to them and thus bear good fruit" (p. 97).
"joy also grows through pain and sorrow....After suffering and struggling together, spouses are able to experience that it was worth it, because they achieved some good, learned something as a couple, or came to appreciate what they have. Few human joys are as deep and thrilling as those experienced by two people who love one another and have achieved something as the result of a great, shared effort" (pp. 97, 98).
"I would like to say to young people that none of this is jeopardized when their love finds expression in marriage. Their union encounters in this institution the means to ensure that their love truly will endure and grow" (p. 98).
"this public commitment of love cannot be the fruit of a hasty decision, but neither can it be postponed indefinitely. Committing oneself exclusively and definitively to another person always involves a risk and a bold gamble. Unwillingness to make such a commitment is selfish, calculating and petty. It fails to recognize the rights of another person and to present him or her to society as someone worthy of unconditional love. If two persons are truly in love, they naturally show this to others. When love is expressed before others in the marriage contract, with all its public commitments, it clearly indicates and protects the 'yes' which those persons speak freely and unreservedly to each other. This 'yes' tells them that they can always trust one another, and that they will never be abandoned when difficulties arise or new attractions or selfish interests present themselves" (p. 99).
"In the family 'three words need to be used. I want to repeat this! Three words: "Please", "Thank you", "Sorry". Three essential words!'.132 'In our families when we are not overbearing and ask: "May I?"; in our families when we are not selfish and can say: "Thank you!"; and in our families when someone realizes that he or she did something wrong and is able to say "Sorry!", our family experiences peace and joy'.133 Let us not be stingy about using these words, but keep repeating them, day after day" (pp. 99, 100).
(5/13/15 General Audience)
"Marital love is not defended primarily by presenting indissolubility as a duty, or by repeating doctrine, but by helping it to grow ever stronger under the impulse of grace. A love that fails to grow is at risk. Growth can only occur if we respond to God’s grace through constant acts of love, acts of kindness that become ever more frequent, intense, generous, tender and cheerful....The gift of God’s love poured out upon the spouses is also a summons to constant growth in grace" (p. 101)
"Often the other spouse does not need a solution to his or her problems, but simply to be heard, to feel that someone has acknowledge their pain, their disappointment, their fear, their anger, their hopes and their dreams. How often we hear complaints like: 'He does not listen to me.' 'Even when you seem to, you are really doing something else.' 'I talk to her and I feel like she can’t wait for me to finish.' 'When I speak to her, she tries to change the subject, or she gives me curt responses to end the conversation'" (p. 103).
(added by blogger)
"let us acknowledge that for a worthwhile dialogue we have to have something to say. This can only be the fruit of an interior richness nourished by reading, personal reflection, prayer and openness to the world around us. Otherwise, conversations become boring and trivial. When neither of the spouses works at this, and has little real contact with other people, family life becomes stifling and dialogue impoverished" (p. 105).
"a love lacking either pleasure or passion is insufficient to symbolize the union of the human heart with God: 'All the mystics have affirmed that supernatural love and heavenly love find the symbols which they seek in marital love, rather than in friendship, filial devotion or devotion to a cause. And the reason is to be found precisely in its totality'.139" (pp. 105, 106).
"To those who fear that the training of the passions and of sexuality detracts from the spontaneity of sexual love, Saint John Paul II replied that human persons are 'called to full and mature spontaneity in their relationships', a maturity that 'is the gradual fruit of a discernment of the impulses of one’s own heart'.149 This calls for discipline and self-mastery, since every human person 'must learn, with perseverance and consistency, the meaning of his or her body'.150 Sexuality is not a means of gratification or entertainment; it is an interpersonal language wherein the other is taken seriously, in his or her sacred and inviolable dignity. As such, 'the human heart comes to participate, so to speak, in another kind of spontaneity'.151 In this context, the erotic appears as a specifically human manifestation of sexuality. It enables us to discover 'the nuptial meaning of the body and the authentic dignity of the gift'.152 In his catecheses on the theology of the body, Saint John Paul II taught that sexual differentiation not only is 'a source of fruitfulness and procreation', but also possesses 'the capacity of expressing love: that love precisely in which the human person becomes a gift'.153 A healthy sexual desire, albeit closely joined to a pursuit of pleasure, always involves a sense of wonder, and for that very reason can humanize the impulses....
[We cannot] "consider the erotic dimension of love simply as a permissible evil or a burden to be tolerated for the good of the family. Rather, it must be seen as gift from God that enriches the relationship of the spouses. As a passion sublimated by a love respectful of the dignity of the other, it becomes a 'pure, unadulterated affirmation' revealing the marvels of which the human heart is capable. In this way, even momentarily, we can feel that 'life has turned out good and happy'.154" (pp. 111, 112)
"Today, secularization has obscured the value of a life-long union and the beauty of the vocation to marriage. For this reason, it is 'necessary to deepen an understanding of the positive aspects of conjugal love'.173" (p. 121)
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